My mom would take me school shopping for clothes when I was a kid, and I dreaded trying everything on. Fashion felt like something  for people who wanted to be put into a box, a copy cat of what was popular and trendy. I didn't like that, and I didn't like how clothes hugged my body in all the wrong places, making me feel insecure about how I looked. So I wore really baggy clothing; I could move comfortably, and no one had to look at my body.

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I wondered if others grew up that way, scared that fashion would make them the target of outside judgement if it didn't fit or look right. Ending up judging yourself harshly instead. Our negative self talk is fueled by ads for weight loss, media attention on "the hottest celebrity diet trends" or rankings of best bodies. This affects people of any gender identity. Our society has become obsessed with looking "good enough" to fit into trending jeans, to wear that sexy dress, to be as hot as that celebrity, to get that date, to post that instagram picture. I personally find it ridiculous. 

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My mom told me about an NPR interview with Heather Radke, the writer of Butts: A Backstory. I was immediately interested and bought the book. I decided this was going to be the fuel to my fire, the first light in my journey of making a full length solo show. I wanted to share some of the juicy nuggets of our squishy tushy history, along with my own experiences and research, to push back on the implicit bias we all have, towards our bodies and the butt. 

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Being a theater performer means you are constantly on display. Looking at your body in mirror for dance rehearsal, getting costume fittings, and trying to "look the part". I don't want to fit into anyone's box, I want to be myself, as unashamed, and present in my body as I possibly can be. Being a circus artist means your body is your instrument. We are told how it bends, how it looks and what you weight can play into your success while training. I want my body, however it may move, to move joyfully and freely, letting me express myself. 

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I hope you appreciate the way your body moves, how it ages and how it serves you. Your body can be a joyful body. Love it.